Why the patterns playing out in your life are not your fault, and how the brain always has capacity to change

By Jack Brown, CBT & ACT Therapist Manchester

There's a metaphor I often use in my Manchester practice, whether I'm working with someone struggling with OCD, anxiety, depression, or any type of stubborn psychological pattern. It's helped hundreds of people understand why they keep doing things that aren't working for them, and more importantly, how to create genuine change.

I call it the Farmer's Field metaphor, and it explains something neuroscientists call 'neuroplasticity' in nice easy to understand terms.

Picture This: A Muddy Field

Imagine that your brain is a large square field, completely covered in thick mud (neurons). On the left side is point A. On the right side is point B. Down at the bottom right is point C.

Now imagine you need to get from A to B. The first time you walk across this field, it's hard work. Your feet sink into the mud, each step requires effort, and you leave barely visible footprints behind you.

But here's what happens if you walk that same route every single day. Gradually, a path forms as the mud gets packed down. The route becomes clearer. After weeks and months of walking the same way, you've created a well-worn track.

After years? That track has become practically a superhighway. You could walk it in the dark. You don't even think about it anymore, your feet just automatically follow that familiar route.

This is exactly how your brain works!

Your Brain: The Ultimate Path-Maker

Every time you respond to a situation in a particular way, you're walking across that field. Every time you have an anxious thought if you immediately start googling for reassurance, that's a walk across the field. If every time you feel criticised you shut down emotionally, another walk. If every time an intrusive thought appears and you engage in a compulsion to neutralise it, you're treading that same path.

The more you repeat these responses, the more automatic they become. Eventually, they're so ingrained that it feels like you have no choice. The pathway has become a superhighway, and your brain just automatically takes you down it.

And here's the crucial bit: this doesn't mean you're weak, broken, or doing something wrong. It just means your brain is being a brain.

It's Not Your Fault (But It Is Your Responsibility)

Many of our automatic reactions and behaviours aren't our fault, they're simply the result of our brain doing what brains do: learning patterns and making them efficient. Your brain is actually trying to help by automating responses it thinks are keeping you safe or solving problems.

If you grew up in an environment where showing emotion led to criticism, your brain learnt to create a superhighway from 'feeling vulnerable' (point A) to 'shut down and go quiet' (point B). That pathway made perfect sense at the time.

If you learnt that checking and rechecking reduces anxiety temporarily, your brain built a superhighway from 'intrusive thought' (point A) to 'checking compulsion' (point B).

These pathways formed for a reason. They served a purpose. This is where self-compassion becomes crucial. When you find yourself on that old B pathway again, beating yourself up about it just adds another layer of suffering. Instead, we can practise acknowledging: 'This pattern developed to protect me. My brain was doing its best with what it knew at the time.'

Importantly, trying to simply erase these pathways or pretend they don't exist doesn't work either. There is no ‘ctrl alt delete’ function or lobotomy that can undo the learning of life.

Why Old Pathways Persist (And Why That's Okay)

Here's something important about those old pathways: they don't just disappear. Even years later, that original track across the field is still visible. In times of stress, tiredness, or emotional overwhelm, you might find yourself automatically taking that old route again.

This is completely normal. It's not a failure. It's not you 'going backwards.' It's just your brain under pressure, defaulting to the most well-worn path.

And this is exactly where self-compassion matters most. When you notice yourself back on that familiar old pathway, the kindest thing you can do is speak to yourself the way you'd speak to a good friend: 'Of course this old pattern showed up. I'm stressed, I'm tired, and this pathway has been here for years. That's completely understandable.'

The goal isn't to erase these old pathways, it's to build new ones that become stronger and more attractive alternatives.

The A-B-C Model: Understanding Your Current Pathways

Let me break down how these pathways actually work in real life:

Point A (The Trigger): This is the situation, thought, feeling, or memory that starts the journey. For someone with OCD, it might be an intrusive thought. For someone with anxiety, it might be physical sensations of nervousness. For someone with relationship difficulties, it might be feeling criticized.

Point B (Your Automatic Response): This is where your current superhighway leads. It's what you automatically do without really thinking about it. This might be:

• Checking and rechecking

• Seeking reassurance

• Avoiding the situation

• Shutting down emotionally

• Googling symptoms

• Drinking to numb feelings

• Snapping at your partner

  
  

Point C (The New Pathway): This is where we're aiming to create an alternative route, a healthier response that's more aligned with your values and more effective in your life.

The Limited Drop-Down Menu

Think about it like this: based on your life experiences, you've developed a very limited drop-down menu of responses to certain situations. When anxiety shows up, your menu might only have three options:

1. Avoid the situation

2. Seek reassurance

3. Try to control your thoughts

   
   

You repeat these same responses without really being aware you're doing it, or that other options even exist.

Good therapy is about expanding that menu and creating new pathways that give you genuine choice.

Building New Pathways: The Work of Therapy

So how do we actually create point C, that new, healthier pathway?

Step 1: Awareness and Labelling

Before you can build a new path, you need to become skilled at recognizing when you're on the old one. This means learning to label what's happening:

"Ah, there's an intrusive thought" (recognizing point A) "And there's my urge to check" (recognizing the pull toward point B) "That's my anxious part activating" (understanding what's driving it)

This labelling might sound simple, but it can be genuinely life changing. You can't choose a different path if you don't realise, you're walking down the old one.

Step 2: Acceptance and Self-Compassion for the Old Pathway

Here's the paradox: we need to accept that the old pathway exists and will continue to exist. Fighting against it or beating yourself up for 'still having these patterns' only adds more suffering.

When you notice yourself on that old A-to-B route, the practice is to acknowledge it without judgement: 'Yep, there's that old pathway again. That's just my brain being a brain.'

But acceptance alone isn't enough, we need self-compassion and other skills too. This means actively speaking kindly to yourself about these patterns:

'This pathway developed when I needed it.' 'My brain is trying to protect me, even if this response doesn't help anymore.' 'I'm not broken for having this reaction, I'm human.'

Self-compassion isn't about letting yourself off the hook or making excuses. It's about creating the psychological safety needed to actually try something new. When you're harsh and critical with yourself, your nervous system goes into threat mode, making it nearly impossible to choose a different response. When you're compassionate, you create the conditions for genuine change.

Step 3: Consciously Choosing Point C

Now comes the hard part, and the hopeful part. Every single time you choose a different response, you're taking a step toward point C. You're beginning to wear down a new path.

What might point C look like?

For OCD: Instead of A (intrusive thought) → B (checking compulsion), you practise A (intrusive thought) → C (labelling the thought, accepting the discomfort, speaking kindly to yourself about having the thought, continuing with your day).

For anxiety: Instead of A (feeling anxious) → B (avoidance), you practise A (feeling anxious) → C (acknowledging the anxiety, reminding yourself that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous, doing the thing anyway).

For relationship patterns: Instead of A (feeling criticised) → B (shutting down), you practise A (feeling criticised) → C (noticing the defensive reaction, acknowledging that criticism hurts, treating yourself with compassion for feeling hurt, choosing to stay present and communicate).

Notice how point C always includes an element of self-compassion alongside the behavioural change. This isn't fluffy, it's essential. The kind inner voice helps regulate your nervous system enough that you can actually choose a different response.

Step 4: Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

Here's the truth: that first walk towards point C is muddy, difficult, and uncomfortable. Your brain will be screaming at you to take the familiar B route, it's right there, it's automatic, it's easy!

But every single time you choose point C, you're packing down that new path a little more. After dozens of repetitions, it gets slightly easier. After hundreds of repetitions, you've created a genuine alternative pathway.

Eventually, with enough practice, that new C pathway can become as automatic as the old B pathway. It might never become your only response, remember, old pathways don't disappear, but it becomes a strong competing option that your brain can genuinely choose.

The Role of Reinforcement

There's another crucial element: reinforcement. In behavioural psychology, we know that responses that get reinforced become stronger.

The old B pathway got reinforced because it provided something, maybe temporary relief from anxiety, maybe a sense of control, maybe avoidance of uncomfortable emotions. Your brain learnt: 'This works! Let's keep doing this!'

But here's what happens when you start practising the C pathway: you discover that it actually works better in the long run. Yes, it's harder in the moment. Yes, there's more discomfort initially. But over time, you start to notice:

• Your anxiety doesn't spiral as much

• You feel more in control of your choices

• Your relationships improve

• You're living more in line with your values

• The intrusive thoughts lose their power

• You're kinder to yourself

  
  

This real-world positive reinforcement helps strengthen that new C pathway naturally.

What This Means for 'Relapses'

Understanding the farmer's field metaphor changes how we think about setbacks. When you find yourself back on the old A-to-B pathway (and you will), it doesn't mean you've failed or that all your progress is lost.

It just means that under particular circumstances, stress, tiredness, emotional overwhelm, your brain defaulted to the most familiar route. The old superhighway is still there, and it always will be.

But here's what's different now: you have awareness. You can label what's happening. And you have a C pathway that exists, even if you didn't choose it this time. Next time, you might. And the time after that, you probably will.

The Hope in Neuroplasticity

The beautiful thing about neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to form new neural pathways, is that it means genuine change is possible at any age, regardless of how long you've been walking those old routes.

I've worked with people who've had the same patterns for 30, 40, 50 years. And I've watched them create new pathways that transform their lives.

It's not quick. It's not easy. It requires repetition, patience, and usually professional support to stay the course when you can't yet see the path forming beneath your feet.

But it is absolutely possible.

What Good Therapy Looks Like

When therapy is done well, you should leave with:

• Awareness: The ability to recognise your A-to-B patterns clearly

• Acceptance: Understanding that old pathways aren't your fault and will always exist

• Self-Compassion: A kinder inner voice that helps regulate your nervous system

• Alternatives: A well-practised C pathway that offers a genuinely healthier response

• Skills: Practical tools for choosing C even when B feels automatic

• Resilience: The knowledge that using the old pathway doesn't mean you've failed

  
  

The goal isn't perfection. It's not never taking the B pathway again. It's having real choice, a competing pathway that's more effective, more aligned with your values, and more conducive to the life you actually want to live.

Your Field, Your Choice

Right now, you have pathways that were created by your life experiences, your brain's attempt to keep you safe, and years of repetition. Some of these pathways serve you well. Others keep you stuck in patterns that no longer work.

The question isn't whether you can erase the old pathways, you can't. The question is: Are you willing to start figuring out what point C’s you need, and to start walking towards them more often?

It will be muddy. It will be uncomfortable. You'll be tempted to turn back to the familiar B route countless times.

But with awareness, acceptance, and repetition, you can create new pathways. And eventually, those new pathways become the routes your brain naturally takes.

That's not just hope, it's good ol’ brain science.

Useful links:

What is Neuroplasticity?

Neuroplasticity | Psychology Today United Kingdom

Jack Brown is a BABCP accredited CBT and ACT therapist based in Manchester, offering online therapy sessions throughout the UK. He specializes in helping people create new patterns using evidence-based approaches grounded in how the brain actually works. If you'd like support in building your own point C, contact him for a consultation.