How learning to jump off a cliff can change your relationship with anxiety forever

By Jack Brown, CBT & ACT Therapist Manchester

“You can spend your whole life waiting for anxiety to get better and end up putting off so much living”

(An elderly stranger on the train from Manchester to Sheffield said to me in 2009)

Picture this: you're standing at the edge of what appears to be a cliff. Below you is darkness, an abyss that feels terrifying and deadly. Your body screams at you not to step forward. Your heart races. Your palms sweat. Every fibre of your being tells you that one step further will lead to catastrophe.

But here's the thing: there's actually a bridge there. A solid, safe bridge that leads to somewhere you want to go. Your brain just can't see it.

This is what anxiety can do. It makes opportunities invisible. It transforms safe paths into perceived mortal danger (quite literally). And it does this so convincingly that you believe, with absolute certainty, that stepping forward means disaster.

It’s because your brain isn't designed to make you happy (but it is determined to keep you safe)

This is something fundamental we should all be taught about how our brains work. Like many animals, our fear response isn't designed to make us happy or fulfilled. Its primary function is to keep us safe and away from danger.

From an evolutionary perspective, this makes perfect sense. Our ancestors who were overly cautious about potential threats, who avoided the rustling in the bushes, who stayed away from anything that previously caused pain, they survived. They passed on their genes. The optimistic, adventurous ones who ignored warning signs? Many of them didn't make it.

We've inherited these cautious brains, and they are incredibly good at learning what's dangerous and making sure we avoid it. This protective system has kept humans alive for thousands of years, and your brain is simply doing what it's designed to do.

But what happens if this system, wonderful as it is, starts to come online automatically in situations that aren't even dangerous? When the protection becomes overprotection? That's when opportunities (bridges) start to disappear.

How your brain makes bridges invisible

Here's how the system works:

You have an experience that your brain interprets as threatening. This might be genuinely dangerous (a violent or life-threatening experience, a serious medical emergency) or something that simply felt catastrophic in the moment (a panic attack, embarrassing social situation, or intrusive thought that shocks you).

Your brain, doing its job, updates the unconscious fear system: "This situation = danger. Avoid at all costs."

From that moment on, whenever you consider going near that situation again, your brain pulls the alarm. It floods you with anxiety. It creates physical sensations of panic. It generates catastrophic thoughts about what will happen, and crucially, it makes the option of approaching that situation feel completely impossible, just like stepping off a cliff.

The bridge that leads to "going to work," "using public transport," "leaving the house," "being somewhere which your triggers intrusive thoughts” "asking someone out," "applying for a new job", these options literally become invisible to you. It doesn't feel like a choice anymore, it feels like a certain “no way, I can’t and won’t do that”.

And here's the really clever bit: when you avoid the situation (which you almost certainly will, because your brain is screaming at you), your anxiety immediately reduces, you feel relief and your brain interprets this as: "See? We were right! That was dangerous! Good job avoiding it!"

The bridge becomes more invisible. The cliff edge feels more real. The pattern strengthens. It's really important to remember that none of this is your fault, Its just the brain doing what brains do.

The cost of invisible bridges

Over time, these invisible bridges accumulate. What starts as one avoided situation can spread to many.

You avoid one specific road where you had a panic attack. Then you avoid all roads that feel similar. Then driving altogether. Then leaving the house. Before you know it, your world has shrunk to a tiny radius of what feels "safe," and you're trapped in agoraphobia.

You avoid one social situation that felt awkward. Then you avoid similar gatherings. Then most social interactions. Then you're isolated and lonely, convinced that social connection isn't something you can ever do again.

You avoid one challenging task at work where you might fail. Then you avoid all situations where you might be judged. Then you stop pursuing opportunities altogether. Your career stagnates, your potential unrealised, all because those bridges became invisible.

The opportunities you're missing, like anxiety provoking things which lead to connection, adventure, career progression, personal growth, joy, they're all still there. The bridges exist; your brain just can't see them anymore.

Exposure therapy: learning to walk on invisible bridges

This brings us to one of the most scientifically proven therapeutic approaches for anxiety-related difficulties: exposure therapy. It's simple in principle, though certainly not easy in practice.

Exposure therapy teaches you to trust that the bridge is there. To feel like you're walking off a cliff, and to walk anyway. What you then discover is that the bridge is there, it's steady, and it's safe.

The more you walk that walk, the more the bridge becomes visible. You no longer feel like you're going to fall. Your brain, through repeated experience, learns: "Anxiety feels horrible but it isn't actually dangerous, I can cope with it, especially when it tries to block me living my life”. 

An important note: Exposure isn't appropriate for every situation or every mental health difficulty, so always seek advice first. But for anxiety-related patterns where avoidance behaviours are a key part of it, some element of exposure is probably essential.

Real stories of walking off the cliff

Let me share three examples from my years working with anxiety.

The World War II veteran and the lift

Many years ago, I worked with a man who had served in World War II. He was in his 80s when we met, and he'd lived with a severe phobia of enclosed spaces for over 60 years.

His fear started after multiple experiences of sheltering from bombs. Cramped, dark, terrifying situations where death felt imminent. His brain, understandably, learned: "Enclosed spaces = mortal danger."

For six decades, lifts were an invisible bridge. Public transport was an invisible bridge. Any confined space simply wasn't an option. To this man, getting on a bus, or getting in a lift literally felt like going back to war.

In his 80s, he decided he had enough and that he wanted to conquer this lifelong fear.

I had the privilege of standing next to this man, as he got into a lift for the first time in his life. He was shivering and visually frightened at first, but trusting the theory, he stepped into the lift anyway.

The invisible bridge held. The lift worked, and we both survived. And not just survived, he felt an immense sense of freedom and achievement. I will never forget the grin on his face after about half an hour of going up and down in that lift. 

Even after all that time, and even with justifiable levels of fear given his wartime experiences, the bridge was always there. Days later this man would catch his first bus in 60 years.

The panic attack that nearly stole a life

Pre COVID, I worked with a lady who had functioned perfectly well for their entire adult life with no significant mental health struggles. She worked full-time, had a husband, small children, and a normal busy life. Then, in her 40s, she had a really distressing panic attack at work completely out of the blue. She was convinced she was dying, an ambulance was called, and the ripple effects triggered a cascade of invisible bridges.

First, going to work became an invisible bridge, the panic attack happened there, so her brain marked it as dangerous. Then going to the shops. Then leaving the local area. Eventually, leaving the house altogether became impossible.

By the time we spoke, this lady hadn't left her house in several years, and even our phone call was highly triggering. She was lost in agoraphobia, her world shrunk to a few rooms in a house. All those past bits of life: work, shops, school runs, meeting friends, had all become bridges she could not cross. Not because they actually disappeared, but because her brain had made them invisible.

Talking helped us understand all of this, but talking alone didn't change anything. The only thing that would truly solve this was to jump off that cliff.

So, whilst on the phone with me one day, she put her coat on, she opened her front door, she took a deep breath, and with a few colourful words aimed at the exercise and also towards myself, she walked into the abys.

The bridge held firm, and through grit, determination and most of all trust in the process, this lady made it all the way into the town centre (a 45-minute walk).

Weeks after that first walk, this lady was applying for her old job back, doing the family shop, and living life again. Her brain was able to very quickly learn how to live again, and her panic symptoms no longer got to dictate what she could and couldn’t do.

*Disclaimer, not every exposure story goes as smoothly as this. However, these examples do show that with the right motivation, trust, and support, even half a lifetimes worth of fear and avoidance can evaporate quickly, if we learn to jump off that internal cliff. 

My own invisible bridge

Like everyone else, I also have my own invisible bridges.

When I was young, I had surgery. One of the images from this time that stayed with me, is a misplaced catheter being inserted into my arm, triggering a large amount of blood to come squirting out of my arm. It’s the kind of thing which tends to stick in the mind.

As I grew older, I became highly avoidant of needles. Even seeing an image of one would lead to a very strong reaction. GPs and dentists were avoided at all costs, and the bridge to "having medical treatment involving needles" was completely invisible to me.

Now there was a time where I would happily have let that bridge remain invisible and accepted never ever going to a hospital. However, my colleagues and I felt I would be a bit of a hypocrite, to use all of this exposure therapy with others, and to not have even been bold enough to jump off my own cliff or two.

So, starting with the small and building my way up, I looked at images of needles, then videos of needles, then went to a blood bank waiting room, and then finally I went to give blood myself.

With each willing jump into something I feared, the possibility that I could do this became stronger. The bridges became more visible, and the fear became more manageable.

The question I’d ask you

Are there any invisible bridges in your life that limit your opportunities?

Bridges to:

• Social connections you've been avoiding

• Career opportunities you won't pursue

• Physical activities you've ruled out

• Places you won't travel

• Relationships you won't risk

• Medical treatment you won't access

• Creative pursuits or hobbies you've dismissed

  
  

Your brain might be telling you these bridges don't exist, that stepping towards them means falling into anxious unmanageable depths. But what if they're there? What if they're solid and safe, just invisible?

When exposure therapy works: the conditions for success

The principles of exposure therapy have been around for over one-hundred years, making it one of the most well researched and evidenced therapeutic ideas we humans have. Here are some of the universal conditions which can make it successful.

1. Push yourself… but make it manageable You don't start with the most terrifying bridge. You start with the one that's scary but doable. The World War II veteran didn't walk straight into a lift, we started a few weeks earlier, by just walking into the shopping centre and imagining getting into the lift.

2. Stay long enough to learn that anxiety is tolerable If you step onto the bridge and immediately retreat when panic hits, your brain learns: "See? Danger! We escaped just in time!" You need to stay long enough to learn how to hold your fear differently, while you're still in the situation. Fear usually decreases anyway, but this isn’t the point.

3. Repeat, persist, repeat, persist… One exposure rarely makes a bridge fully visible. You need repeated experiences for your brain to learn what it needs to learn. Each walk strengthens the new pathway: "This is safe. The bridge exists."

4. Watch out for subtle avoidance and ‘safety behaviours’ You have to fully experience your fear emotion, without distraction, and without any subtle forms of ‘safety behaviour’. Get on the bridge without any safety support! Otherwise, the brain will still label the bridge as dangerous.

*A quick note. Although this can all sound simple in theory, there can be a great deal of nuance to our anxiety which might require other support. It is strongly advised to always complete exposure under the guidance of a professional.

Nepal 2025 : A massive line of cattle casually cross a bridge without fear, a task which had just given one of my friends a mini existential crisis, but at least she did it!

Why exposure works when talking doesn't

I've had countless conversations with people about their fears. I've explained rationally why lifts are safe, why leaving the house won't cause disaster, why panic attacks aren't dangerous. I've provided statistics, logic, reassurance.

But talking alone almost never makes the bridge visible.

The real change, the transformation to how our fear system works, happens when we walk the walk. We need to prove to our brain, through direct experience, that the bridge was there all along.

This is because your brain is an experiential learning machine. It doesn't care what I tell you, or what you tell yourself. It cares what actually happens when you step towards the feared situation.

Walk the bridge and nothing bad happens? Tolerate your panic symptoms without running away from them? Your brain updates its model of reality. Do this repeatedly? The bridge becomes visible, and suddenly the possibilities of your life expand.

The walk is never easy

Walking on invisible bridges will understandably feel terrifying. . .

The 80-year-old veteran was shaking when he stepped into that lift. The agoraphobic person on the phone with me was sobbing as they opened their front door. And when I was waiting to give blood, I completed around 5000 steps in the waiting room.

This isn't about being fearless. It's about being afraid and doing it anyway. It's about trusting that there's a bridge even when every part of you insists there's only a cliff.

It often gets easier: each time you walk, it gets a tiny bit easier. The bridge becomes a tiny bit more visible. The panic is a tiny bit less intense. Eventually, what once felt impossible becomes simply uncomfortable. Then slightly awkward. Then just... doable.

There is also a massive sense of achievement and liberation available to us when we do conquer our fears… It makes for a nice lifetime habit!

What are you waiting for?

Right now, there are bridges in your life. Bridges to experiences, opportunities, connections, and growth. They're solid, they're safe and they lead somewhere worth going.

Your brain, trying to protect you, has made them invisible. It's convinced you that stepping towards them means falling.

But the bridges are there. They've always been there.

The question is: are you willing to take that first step? To feel like you're walking off a cliff, let the anxiety peak, and to do it anyway?

Because on the other side of that bridge might be the life you've been missing out on.

Useful links:

All Therapy Is Exposure Therapy | Psychology Today United Kingdom

What Is Exposure Therapy?

Jack Brown is a BABCP accredited CBT and ACT therapist based in Manchester, offering online therapy sessions throughout the UK.