The paradox of trying to fix obsessions, with obsessive fixing

By Jack Brown, CBT & ACT Therapist Manchester, 26/09/2025

Desperate to fix or control those distressing thoughts or feelings you keep having, but only end up getting more stuck? You are not alone! It's just human instinct right? You feel or think 'bad', so seek to fix the 'bad' bits? And typically this isn't a terrible idea. But for some, especially with obsessive black and white tendencies, this quest for a fix, can create an unfortunate paradox. It can work a bit like quicksand, the harder you fight to fix unpleasant experiences, the deeper the unpleasant experiences can become.

I am hoping this short article can present a few ideas which might help you start to think about how to understand and break this paradox.

The Cultural Obsession with 'Fixing'

We live in a culture obsessed with solutions. Feeling down? Take a pill. Feeling anxious? Download a mindfulness app. Struggling with intrusive thoughts? Surely there's a technique that will make them disappear forever, right?

This cultural narrative of "fixing" ourselves can become particularly problematic when it comes to OCD, health anxiety, and similar anxiety conditions. The very desire to eliminate, control, or cure these experiences often becomes the fuel that keeps them burning.

I see this pattern repeatedly in my practice as a therapist, as a supervisor of other therapists, and often in myself. People feeling exhausted from trying every logical step, self-help book, google and reddit search, and every "foolproof" method they've found. They've been told that with enough effort, the right technique, or sufficient willpower, they can make their distressing thoughts or feelings disappear completely.

But something my experience working with hundreds of people with OCD in particular has taught me: The obsession to fix or cure often becomes the problem itself.

*To be clear, I'm not suggesting that logic, problem-solving, or self-help approaches are inherently bad, they have their place and can be incredibly valuable. But when it comes to OCD and similar anxiety conditions, the relentless pursuit of a 'fix' often becomes counterproductive."

The Mechanics of OCD (And Why 'Fixing' often Backfires)

One of the key things most OCD therapists will hope their clients will have learned by the end of therapy is: OCD isn't about having intrusive thoughts or feelings, we all have those. What creates OCD is how the different parts of our brain react to those thoughts.

*Key point: it's how we relate to or interpret intrusive thoughts and feelings which is important, not if we are having them or not. If we see them as highly important, as representiive of who we are, or if we consistently try to fix them, we just end up getting more stuck.

For example: an intrusive thought pops up (completely normal), but then your inner critic jumps in with "That's a terrible thought, what kind of person are you?" Your perfectionist part demands "You must figure this out and find a solution right now!" Meanwhile, there might be some magical thinking happening: "If I don't resolve this thought properly, something bad will happen."

OCD emerges when these parts of yourself, for example the critic, the perfectionist, and the magical thinking parts, get activated and start working overtime. It's like having an overzealous security team that treats every intrusive thought or concern as a full-blown emergency.

When we approach OCD with a "fixing" mindset, we're essentially giving these parts even more fuel:

• The inner critic gets louder ("You should be better at managing this by now")

• The perfectionist becomes more demanding ("There must be a perfect solution")

• The magical thinking intensifies ("If I just do things right, I'll be cured, absolved of guilt, or stop the bad thing from happening")

• More analysis ("Why am I having these thoughts?")

• More problem-solving attempts ("How can I make this stop?")

  
  

It's like trying to calm down an overactive security team by setting off more alarms.

An Alternative: Awareness, Acceptance and Behavioural Commitment

In my work using ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) alongside traditional CBT approaches, I hope to see a different path emerge. Instead of fighting OCD, what if we learned to live alongside the ingredients which used to fuse to create it?

This involves:

• Awareness:  Recognising underlying patterns without judgment, "Ah, there's my brain doing that thing again." This might sound overly simple, but, learning how and what to label your inner experiences can be life changing. We can’t create healthier patterns if we don’t know how to become skilfully aware of the old ones.

• Acceptance:  Learning how to make space for these difficult thoughts and feelings without needing them to change immediately. Most logical thinkers and OCD sufferers hate this idea at first, why wouldn’t they, but acceptance can be an amazing antidote to the ‘fixing paradox’.

• Behavioural Commitment:  Teaching yourself to restrict the OCD of behaviours which we know reinforce 'stuckness' and committing to a life where you deny it the most overt reinforcing behaviours (googling, checking, rituals, reassurance seeking etc) will always be helpful. This part is also about committing to reclaiming and living your life, even when OCD symptoms are present.

• Self-Compassion:  Learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a good friend or family member. Disclaimer, an old me would have cringed and ran a mile if someone told me to be more compassionate to myself. But proper self-compassion isn’t the wishy-washy idea I used to think it was, it’s about developing a kind inner voice, which knows how to sit with your vulnerabilities and also knows how to handle parts like your inner critic.

When people start approaching their OCD in these ways, using acceptance, awareness, behavioural commitment, and self-compassion rather than excessive logic, problem solving, shame, or self-criticism, something amazing can happen. They can begin to live fulfilling lives where OCD's grip loosens naturally.

The Beautiful Irony

Once you let go of trying to cure yourself, you often become "fixed" in a sense. But, this can't be your goal for it to work, otherwise the same ‘fixing paradox’ will reoccur.

It's like trying to fall asleep. The harder you try, the more elusive sleep becomes. But when you stop trying and allow yourself to rest, sleep often arrives naturally.

A client of mine yesterday embodied this perfectly. They'd spent years trying every technique under the sun to eliminate and fix their negative experiences. The breakthrough came not when they found the "right" technique, but when they learned to stop looking for one altogether.

What This Means for You

If you're reading this and recognising yourself in these words, here's what I want you to know: You don't need to be fixed, at least not in the way you are thinking you do.

You're not broken. You don't need to eliminate every difficult thought or feeling to live a meaningful life. The goal isn't to become someone who never experiences intrusive thoughts, anxiety, or moments of doubt.

The goal is to develop a different relationship with these experiences, one where they don't get to dictate your choices or define your worth.

A Different Kind of Strength

That client I mentioned? They discovered something profound. True resilience isn't about eliminating difficulties, it's about developing the capacity to carry them more lightly while still moving toward what matters to you.

This is the essence of acceptance: being able to adapt, bend, and respond skilfully to life's challenges rather than rigidly trying to control or eliminate them.

Moving Forward

If you've been caught in the exhausting cycle of trying to fix or cure your OCD, health anxiety, or similar struggles, perhaps it's time to consider a different approach. One that accepts your experience without demanding its elimination. One that builds on acceptance rather than resistance.

This isn't about giving up or resigning yourself to the content of your thoughts or feelings. It's about discovering a strength you might not have known you had, the strength that comes from no longer being at war with yourself.

As both a therapist and someone who's navigated my own mental health challenges, I can tell you that this path exists. It requires courage, patience, and often professional support, but it's there.

And sometimes, the most radical act is simply stopping the fight.

Other excellent articles on this topic:

The farmers field metaphor: How life shapes our mental pathways

How Having No Cure for OCD Is the Cure | Sheppard Pratt

Why There’s No Cure for OCD | Psychology Today

Jack Brown is a BABCP accredited CBT and ACT therapist based in Manchester, offering online therapy sessions throughout the UK. He specialises in working with OCD, anxiety, trauma, and life transitions using flexible, evidence-based approaches. If you'd like to explore a different relationship with your difficulties, contact him for a consultation.

Edit, added on 01/10/2025:

A Note from the above mentioned client

After reading this article, the person I mentioned sent me their reflections. I want to share parts of their message because they capture something important about this work:

"The thing I would add to this article is that acceptance TAKES TIME, and PRACTICE. You can read as many books as you like on how to ski but the true learning is done by throwing yourself down a mountain.

It's only now that I have a sense for what acceptance feels like that I can see the irony, I was meditating with a view to eliminating my feelings, which is the complete opposite of acceptance.

I remember you saying, 'just accept it, sit with it.' I remember thinking, does he not see how intense this is?! Surely I need an intervention or something? But it's only through the sitting, the choosing not to get reassurance, the labelling, that slowly but surely turns what your brain initially labelled a problem into a non-threat.

The rumination was huge because I constantly felt I was doing it wrong. But when you said, accept the noise like a kid screaming when you're driving a car, when I stopped trying to refocus my attention, it became less, or it went on but wasn't as frustrating.

Like the farmer's track metaphor, to get to that place takes countless reps. You've got to tread that new path over and over and over and over again before you see any tangible progress. For months I honestly didn't believe I would be able to 'change' how I felt. But here we are. To un-do the dysfunctional conditioning you need to commit for the long haul, even when you can't see the 'light' and to do that, you need the help of a professional on a long term basis."